Dear Andy and Larry Wachowski,

God forbid you'd leave your apartment, sauded little hellhole or whatever the hell you want to call it. Either way, I don't care... the point is that you guys are the most tarded people in the history of ever.

I recently completed your video game 'The Matrix: Path of Neo' and was very 'happy' to kick Agent Smith's butt every now and again. Now, I understand that many people hate you for the ending that you did choose for The Matrix Revolutions but why the hell did you have to go and make an aleternate ending!?!?

Do you even want me to tell you again what happens!? because quite frankly I don't think you both know ow stupid it really is. Smith knocks you into the crater and then both your faces pop up saying 'Well, congratulations, but we changed the ending to suit peoples tastes bla bla bla...' ...and then, after Smith does his 'MY WORLD!' skit all of the other agents leap together to form a Giant Agent Smith. Now when you destroy the Giant Agent Smith the song 'We Are The Champions' by Queen begins to play.

WHY!? WHY!?

Here are a few smacks of my keyboard that express my utter confusion

awfjkl;e34hkj37

I hope you are both happy

The Davie Brother

PS. If you don't make a Keymaker spin-off then I may have to kill Andy

Dear Jamie Oliver,
                            I do realise you are a very fancy chef and all but I don't think you have the right saying that the youth today only eat garbage (not the band, that'd be horrible) and don't know how to cook.

I would like to inform you that I did Food Technology alonside alot of other friendly and cookworthey people and we were often complimented on our fine products.

If I were you I would stop insulting everyone and go kill yourself because personally we prefer Anthony Worrel' Thompson and Gordon Ramsay because at least they trust us!

Davie

PS. Stop being like Robert Campbell

Dear Birds

Dear the smelly people at Hovis
  I would like to question you about your bread and it's many different types. Although i'm a big fan of the 'great white' flavour I can't say i'm really that bothered with 'The Best of Both'.

If it tastes like Wholemeal and has the goodness of wholemeal then why colour it white?

Who are you trying to fool?

An angry bread fan

Dear Capcom
                     WTH!?
I'm a fan of all the capcom games from 'Resident Evil' all through the other ones but i'm on the verge of crying and if you don't aswer me these questions i'm scared I may do something nasty. Like scream at Souter...

1. Why on earth does an underground train station need to have the tighest security anybody has ever seen, which involves finding two pieces of of emblem in order to open a big door (and it just so happens that you leave these emblems with some really tough guys in suits!?)

2. Why can't I see down corridors? Not all zombies make noises you know! and I can't see 3 inches in front of me with your dodgy camera angles!

3.Why do the same freaking zombies come back to life when I leave the room and then re-enter it straight after?!

Why Capcom Why!? Why are your games such a rip of Konami!? Why does Souter love your games!?

I'd also like to make a point, Resident Evil isn't Evil, it's just tedious, I don't care if you nuke it!

If it wasn't for Resident Evil 4 I may be very upset at this moment in time!

I'd stay to rant on even more but Antiques Roadshow is on!

Yours Sincerely

Dave